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Self-Development

Self-Development

Why setting boundaries in your relationship is the best way to go

Our life story is being shaped by what we are saying yes to and what we are saying no to and this is how our boundaries are made. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect ourselves. By setting these limits we may improve a self-care, which is not just about what you eat and how much you exercise, it’s also about how you manage your boundaries.

Trust your inner compass

By setting the boundaries we lower stress and we can figure out the purpose of our life. Especially in a romantic relationship, you might find very hard to a make decision, set a boundary and walk away especially if you love the other person. Here’s where you become attached with your intuition which is being represented by the inner compass. You can feel it when something doesn’t feel comfortable and this is how your compass is saying no for your well being. You will get the answer but, the difficult part of using the compass is that it doesn’t give any details or explanations. So at this point, you either choose yourself and your self-respect or you can go on and just have fun. You have to love yourself more than a good time you might be having because nothing can be prioritized over your dignity and boundaries and you have to walk away from the situation as a whole person. You may not have fun today but you will be able to look at yourself in a mirror and feel in your heart that you for sure do respect yourself. Allow your compass and your boundaries to take care of you. If you do not manage your boundaries you will have high stress, which is a very serious issue. However, the challenging thing is that setting boundaries is a little stressful.

Key to healthy relationship

When we find a good connection with somebody it just feels great in every way and it drives our behavior in life. We are made to connect with other people, but no one teaches us how to get a healthy relationship. What our culture teaches us is that we are not a whole until we’ve found that “special someone”, our “better half”. There’s this idea that we need someone else to complete us or validate our worth or existence. The general theme says “I need another person to complete me”. This tends to create an unhealthy co-dependent system. A healthy relationship is one where a person already has his or herself defined (values, needs, self-worth, passion, friends, interests). If you don’t know who you are and what you stand for or you are insecure about your qualities you easily let the other person define you. The key to healthy relationships is boundaries. If you want to have a healthy relationship, where you are fulfilled and treated properly, don’t give yourself away by enjoying a good time at the moment. Boundaries are about never ever losing yourself or compromising your values for that relationship.   

How to create boundaries

You can’t change something you are not aware of. So the first step in order to address what your current boundaries are is to increase self-awareness, to think about the things in your relationship which are ok and not ok. Once you get clear on that, you have to acknowledge what your responsibility is and what you take ownership for versus what the other person needs to. Then it’s time to take an action by letting your beloved know that there might be certain things that you will be doing differently in the future and that you would like his support in it. Next, you need a moment of self-reflection and to be open for whatever new feelings arrive as you set new boundaries. You have to evaluate how it was going and if you want to do anything differently next time, because as you are practicing new skills it may take some time to develop a healthy sense of competence. Lastly, you may need to repeat this as necessary to your partner so he can really register that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.

Now, from the place of mindfulness and compassion ask yourself a question “What boundaries would I like to set or improve in my relationship?”

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Lifestyle

The Rewards Of decluttering Your Life

I started to think about the clutter issues a few months ago while I was moving to a new place. I realized I was surrounded by things that I didn’t need or I didn’t even like. I categorized all the stuff that had no value to me as clutter and I got rid of them. But this was just a beginning because there are so many areas in our lives that need to be cluttered up. Every time I search for something in my handbag, I get mad about the mess I accumulate inside. It keeps reminding me that decluttering is not a one-time action, but maintaining things relatively clutter-free is an ongoing process I still need to work on!

Reasons you need to declutter

You may think that it’s not a big deal because everyone has some extra stuff, right? But too much junk can actually be harmful to your health. No doubt that clutter invites chaos into your life, it can distract you or weigh you down. In a messy environment, it’s harder to focus and process information, so you have to expend more energy to do everyday tasks. It also stresses you out as according to researchers there is a link between clutter and depression. This extra stress caused by clutter could be the thing that leads you to overeat. The bottom line is that however innocent the whole situation might seem, the cost of ignoring the clutter can be higher than you imagine. By devoting a little of your time to get rid of the things that aren’t functional and don’t make you happy anymore, you’ll reap the rewards of pleasing living areas, reduced stress, and a more organized and productive existence.

Time to take a massive action

Just look around you and start the process in order to simplify your life with easy items like useless receipts and similar papers. If you are one of those people who get super nostalgic getting rid of a train ticket, take a photo of it before you scrap it and throw it away. You can digitalize almost everything, so your memories can live in the cyber space forever without being a physical clutter. Then go room by room and drawer by drawer. You don’t have to do it in one day, but make a plan with milestones and deadlines. An important thing to keep in mind is, that every item needs a place where it “lives.” You never lose anything when you put it where it lives.

Going over all the things you have, you may find asking yourself questions that hold you back like “What if I need this one day?”. Instead of that think about questions that will work for you. My favorites are: Have I used this recently? Would I miss it if I lost it in a fire? Would I keep it if this was someone else’s stuff? Would I buy this today? If you are still not sure after that, I suggest you apply the method of the “unsure box”, where you put everything you are not sure about. You will keep that box for a month or two (write an exact date on it). During that period you are able to take anything you need from that box and these are the things you will keep. After the expiration date is over, you have to throw the box away with the remaining items as it is without opening it again.

If you find it difficult to get rid of something because you spent a lot of money on it, remember that the damage has been already made. It’s gone and just because it was expensive, it doesn’t mean it’s worth keeping. You will not miss it and after a month you won’t even remember that you had it. You don’t need to throw it away, you can donate it to somebody who will utilize it.

When it comes to downsizing your wardrobe get a friend, family member or significant other to help you with it. They will hold you accountable and give you an honest opinion. Put all the clothes you have in one pile. That way you will see the number of clothes you have and you will probably get overwhelmed. How much of that do you actually wear? Hold up each piece and ask some tough questions. Besides the cliché ones, like “When did you last wear something,” come up with hard-hitting questions that may make you feel a little uncomfortable, but definitely will bring the result you need. An example could be: “How did I feel the last time I wore this?” or “Is this a representation of my ‘fantasy self’?”

Since I’m on a massive mission to declutter, I was excited to discover the Kon Mari Method by Japanese organizing guru Marie Kondo, whose book can walk you through her extreme strategy for simplifying, organizing and storing your belongings.

Clutter prevention

Now when you have done some decluttering, the good news is that you will be able to control your purchases easily. If you don’t know what you have, it costs you money. Try to keep your space airy and do not accumulate new things. Be smarter of what you are buying, because that’s where it all starts anyway. Don’t buy anything you are not sure about, don’t buy “good deals” and don’t buy back-ups! Be honest with yourself to find out the reason you are buying that because maybe you are doing emotional shopping or you are buying it because it’s cheap. You don’t want to bring these items at home because half a year later you will face the question whether you should get rid of it because you don’t use it. Take care of the things you have and you love, simplify your life and be more minimalistic. Be pure 🙂

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LifestyleSelf-Development

Change your mindset about shopping clothes

Let’s admit it! Living in the consumption world we buy more and more clothes not because we need it or we like it that much, but because we want it to make us feel a certain way. Buying new clothes isn’t just about necessity, it’s such a confidence booster, right? Same thing happened to me countless times in the past. After an exhausting day at work or even at lunch break I decided just to “have look” in a familiar shop I just found on my way. Surprisingly, most of the times something caught my eye and I left the shop drugged with endorphins carrying a new piece or more into my wardrobe. This heady moment never lasts long and a few minutes later my state of mind gets back to reality. I also realized that a significant part of my clothing I had purchased was hardly ever worn, because these purchases were based on impulsive decisions. What about you? Are you in charge of your charges or are you trapped in the cycle, where you buy things spontaneously, never wear them and then you buy more things because you think you have nothing to wear?

Apply a wealthy mindset

Since I have been in process of mindset changes in various aspects of my life, spending my money consciously is the basic pillar in order to get my financial life restructured. I decided to be more frugal in general and it’s less painful than I thought it would be. “Frugal” isn’t synonymous to cheap, it’s about spending more on the things that you really want and are important to you and less on the things that aren’t. In short, value is what matters. All wealthy people do this and this is one of the reasons they hold onto their wealth. I think of it as the first step on my road to wealth building and a more abundant life. If you want to spend your money consciously and live your financial life with the eyes wide open, you can translate the above into two basic rules. 1. Instead of stocking up on cheap clothes, invest in quality. 2. Always think in terms of time and money. Realizing the hours of work you have to dedicate in order to buy the item will help you to understand whether the particular transaction is good for you or not.

Be aware of your emotions

Most of you know that buying clothes (or anything else) is not a path to a lifelong sustainable joy. But why do we keep attaching our happiness to the things that we buy? We like to believe that we’re in control and choices we make result from a rational analysis of available alternatives. In reality, we are driven by emotions so the decisions aren’t logical. Even a small sign of depression or unhappiness, when our emotional desires are not fulfilled can take away our clear mind. Unconsciously we may try to fill this emotional gap by shopping clothes. Therefore, anytime you find yourself ready to get out your credit card stop for a moment and realize your emotional mood. If you don’t feel super level-headed at the moment, just leave the shop, because this is the best decision you can make. Find another relaxing activity like reading a book, educating yourself or meditating. That doesn’t cost anything, it’s an investment in you. You will be a much happier and successful person.

Have a plan

Clean your closet, before you hit the shops again because you really have nothing to wear. You realize you have a lot more than you thought you did. You are not going to be tempted to buy another simple t-shirt when you realize you have another five. I know it’s hard to believe because you find yourself searching through your closet every morning, looking for clothes that just don’t exist. But believe me, it’s there and you just don’t see it through the clutter inside. Downsize your wardrobe by letting go the things you don’t wear and apply minimalism. Create a vision how you want your style and wardrobe to look like and start to think about your wardrobe strategically.  Once you know what you have in your wardrobe and what is missing, make a list (and a budget) and go shopping prepared. Like this, I guarantee you’ll be automatically more picky about what you buy but to be on the save side your new mantra should be “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.”

If you accidentally find yourself in the shop ready to make an unplanned purchase, I recommend to test your decision by putting the item on hold. I usually gave myself at least 24 hours to see if I really want that thing. Furthermore, using cash and seeing the amount of money in notes also helps to be a lot more conscious! How do you control your impulse buying? 

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