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Self-Development

Why setting boundaries in your relationship is the best way to go

Our life story is being shaped by what we are saying yes to and what we are saying no to and this is how our boundaries are made. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect ourselves. By setting these limits we may improve a self-care, which is not just about what you eat and how much you exercise, it’s also about how you manage your boundaries.

Trust your inner compass

By setting the boundaries we lower stress and we can figure out the purpose of our life. Especially in a romantic relationship, you might find very hard to a make decision, set a boundary and walk away especially if you love the other person. Here’s where you become attached with your intuition which is being represented by the inner compass. You can feel it when something doesn’t feel comfortable and this is how your compass is saying no for your well being. You will get the answer but, the difficult part of using the compass is that it doesn’t give any details or explanations. So at this point, you either choose yourself and your self-respect or you can go on and just have fun. You have to love yourself more than a good time you might be having because nothing can be prioritized over your dignity and boundaries and you have to walk away from the situation as a whole person. You may not have fun today but you will be able to look at yourself in a mirror and feel in your heart that you for sure do respect yourself. Allow your compass and your boundaries to take care of you. If you do not manage your boundaries you will have high stress, which is a very serious issue. However, the challenging thing is that setting boundaries is a little stressful.

Key to healthy relationship

When we find a good connection with somebody it just feels great in every way and it drives our behavior in life. We are made to connect with other people, but no one teaches us how to get a healthy relationship. What our culture teaches us is that we are not a whole until we’ve found that “special someone”, our “better half”. There’s this idea that we need someone else to complete us or validate our worth or existence. The general theme says “I need another person to complete me”. This tends to create an unhealthy co-dependent system. A healthy relationship is one where a person already has his or herself defined (values, needs, self-worth, passion, friends, interests). If you don’t know who you are and what you stand for or you are insecure about your qualities you easily let the other person define you. The key to healthy relationships is boundaries. If you want to have a healthy relationship, where you are fulfilled and treated properly, don’t give yourself away by enjoying a good time at the moment. Boundaries are about never ever losing yourself or compromising your values for that relationship.   

How to create boundaries

You can’t change something you are not aware of. So the first step in order to address what your current boundaries are is to increase self-awareness, to think about the things in your relationship which are ok and not ok. Once you get clear on that, you have to acknowledge what your responsibility is and what you take ownership for versus what the other person needs to. Then it’s time to take an action by letting your beloved know that there might be certain things that you will be doing differently in the future and that you would like his support in it. Next, you need a moment of self-reflection and to be open for whatever new feelings arrive as you set new boundaries. You have to evaluate how it was going and if you want to do anything differently next time, because as you are practicing new skills it may take some time to develop a healthy sense of competence. Lastly, you may need to repeat this as necessary to your partner so he can really register that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.

Now, from the place of mindfulness and compassion ask yourself a question “What boundaries would I like to set or improve in my relationship?”

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